overproportioNATE

Life has a way of mellowing out a person. There are so many bumps along the road of life, that at first can really shake you, can really derail you. I don't think that the severity of the bumps has changed. They are simply more frequent. There isn't time to worry about handling each bump perfectly. I think that this will help me to say to "no" to more things in life, because there just isn't enough time for everything. --- I think I'll be O.K. moving to Denver.

Sorry that I haven't been writing as much lately, this whole school year really. I love writing, if anything, my love for writing has only increased in the last year. Time isn't always provided for our passions however. The next time I write could very well take place in Colorado. I am going to be there for the majority of the next 3 years. It's wild to think about, I've been at my job here at OHS for not quite 3 years. I have no idea how much time and how much thought will be demanded of me at Denver Sem. I am hopeful that it will push me and challenge me, I am excited to see what I will be like, what I will be capable of... in 3 years time. I want to write more poetry in the next few years. I've really gotten away from it because I just haven't had the opportunity to sit down, slap on my headphones and write with Sixpence None the Richer flavoring my words. I hope to find the time to write words that will surprise even myself. I don't know what to te

It seems that some will look their whole lives for some kind of pattern to life. They will drudge through jobs they never liked to begin with, pass through weekends at the bar, by mornings at the chapel. When this happens, then this action will occur. Whenever you have A, you will then create B. There are very few real patterns to life. Karma is a fiction fed to the under-privileged. Things that go around don't always come around. Sometimes the good live long lives and the Jerks die young. There is one pattern. One pattern that holds true in each and every human life. It is oft-ignored. The individualist seeks not to find it. The pattern of love for each one, 'til death. We have but one life. There are correlations, or what seem to be correlations. Exercise for good health. But often enough to rip that pattern to shreds, a runner will drop dead. Heart-attack, stroke, blood clot. Exercise, eat well, and you will live long, maybe. Obey your parents, and you will have th

Any ideal, any perfect, or best thing, attracts some, and repels others. The best Ice Cream will be loved by many, and then others will find it unhealthy and disgusting. The best, freshest produce will be found healthy and fresh by some, and hated by others. We will never all agree on the best song, best president, best values, best morals, best time of day, best activity, best life. We life as though we could. But even Christ's message was divisive. He knew it would be. His message was good news, and admitted the struggle. It was repelling to many, too difficult, too demanding, too truthful. The bests always are.

I'm moving to Denver. For 3 years. I got the full-ride scholarship. I am excited but afraid. I am excited for adventure, but don't want to go. Colorado has always been a place that I could see myself, but I love my family and friends. Just wanted to update you, sorry I haven't written much lately, it has been a different level of busy lately.

The message is sitting in my gmail inbox. I can't bring myself to look at it. I feel like throwing up. I have never had the events of my life determined by an interview, or by such a seemingly small series of events. Let alone a single email. I'm not even sure that I know what I want. I'm not even sure that it should matter if I know what I want. Does what I want matter? I will know later. I'll open it with my wife. I'd post it here first, if I wasn't so terrified of opening that email. Sorry to be a tease, but if you're reading this, I'm sure I'll talk to you soon anyway. Take care.

There are things that happen in life that cause all others to cease. All other movement, momentum, is quelled. All other questions have to wait their turn. Life as it has been known, halts. I'm having a hard time being excited about much else. I wait to hear back, I wait to know. The rest of the time-piece has stopped in this pause. It is alright. It is all right. I have been having good days lately. I have been productive & happy. I love getting things done. I enjoy small steps, and progress. I also enjoy new burgers from Hardees. That's something too, isn't it? I'm looking forward to knowing. I always look forward to the knowing part of life. Even if things don't live up to the hype, I am glad to finally understand the thing. Uncertainty and indecision, they are trying, and must be lived through, but I want what they lead to.

We had another snow on Sunday. Monday the kids were making snowmen. They were whipping up huge balls of snow, smiling the whole while. The older kids quickly destroyed them. All of them. Before we even left the playground. We have an insatiable appetite for destruction. We destroy it all. A child is wired to destroy. To build and then tear down. People. We tear down people. We destroy them. We build them up, and rip them down. Before we even leave the playground.

The real debate that comes out of the police brutality cases we've had over the course of the last year is of White Privilege. Does it exist? Are some people born to a more advantageous life, simply because of the color of their skin? There are many who would say no. Many who would claim that the ideal, that "All men are created equal", currently rings true in our society. I don't see it. We have come from a lineage where money was part of the equation. While we didn't all come from that, there certainly were poor & struggling Germans, and Irish, Polish, & others, many have a history that at the very least, did not involve being bought and sold. Can an African American work hard and be successful in this country? Yes. Do they need to work harder? do more to prove themselves trustworthy? Shake off the bias? Absolutely. Absolutely they do. They are treated differently, whether worse, or better, in a small town like the one I grew up in. I am ashame

I think I want to try my hand at writing a song. It won't be run of the mill, I promise that much. Thinking over songs that have... how do I say this in a meaningful way... become a part of me over the years, there are some common elements that are shared. I like the gritty song. I like the song that starts rough, that isn't just admitting defeat, but butting heads, fighting with God. Not just to be edgy, but to be honest. I like the songs that are frustrated. I am drawn to elements of Jimmy Eat World and Linkin Park, not the emo part, but the part that is real and honest. I love songs that elude to the depths that God is willing to go to. Songs that show our shame. Songs that remind us that we were, are, and will continue to be undeserving. I like songs that call us out of the depths. Songs that call for more than change, more than a percentage. But songs that demand a revolution of the human spirit. I want a song from a different perspective. A song that tells us some

I have already done it all. Everything from this point on in life is the dessert. I have been in love. I have had wonderful friends. I have made memories few others will ever have. I have sung at campfires on the edge of the water. I have seen mountains and oceans. I have stayed at a cabin in the woods. I have known loss. I have cried my eyes out. I have laughed harder than most ever will. I have been known and understood, loved and cherished. I will live my life enjoying what is to come. The rest is cake.

"I'll take these hands of mine and tear open your rib cage, climb inside to see if there still hangs a beating heart." -Mike Mains & The Branches, Where Love Dies This song wasn't about what I wish it was. It is a song about divorce & breaking apart. When I hear this bridge, I can only see a search for a beating heart. And I wonder if this generation really has one. There are so many songs on my top 100 list that are about what our hearts beat for. I think there's something to it. But we , and the generations that are in high school right now, are the generations that will be content to sit in the hallway on our cell phones. We are the generations that want the nice car, big house, pretty wife. We are, and I mean this as harshly as I can through text, "just fine" with that.  Our hearts beat independently. Entirely. Entirely alone.  We are the generation that seeks out a sense of belonging, so long as that group is after OUR cau

While I agree that everyone should pursue something they are passionate about, I don't know if I love how it is presented to young people. That's all that is said. That should be said, it needs to be said. But it is all that gets said. There is just no way that everyone can have their dream job of cushy-ness. Any job will involve unwanted and frustrating work. You will have paperwork you never imagined, people to work with that frustrate you, goals that are not your own. The saying must be tempered. You should pursue what you are passionate about, absolutely. Just make sure that you want the job, not just the passion. Make sure that the job will be offered in a city you are fine with living in. Make sure it will meet your financial needs. It must be tempered. Otherwise we are all just spending 4 years and an unreasonable amount of money on a hobby that will never pay us back.

I know that this wouldn't fly with someone that isn't enlightened to the idea of a greater purpose. But I'm starting to understand why some people say that "happiness is the enemy". When everything is O.K., there is absolutely no need to do anything differently. Few people leave an "O.K." job. Few people leave and O.K. church. When they are "happy". I guess that the point that I want to make is that the source for happiness is different from the source for joy. That really is the difference. A dictator can be happy when he's won his wealth on power over his enemies. An adulterer can be happy. A nice, clean cut, professional, entrepreneur who has done no real "wrong" in his life can feel happy that he's made it, that he's arrived. For the Christian, happiness can be what keeps us glued to our pews. Happiness keeps us caring for ourselves, and no one else. It helps us to read, and learn, but rarely to go and do.  R

I like to write about controversy. If I could study only the controversial from here on out, I think that I would. Every morning I say the pledge of allegiance with a 5th grade class. We declare our allegiance to one nation, under God, with liberty and justice for all. That is one fine dream. Now, this next example is extreme, and I do not mean to compare these, just to point out something relevant. Imagine Nazi Germany, declaring their allegiance to God. Imagine that country, those people, that face, declaring its dedication to God, to be under God. What would that be? How off-base would that be. That nation was practicing behaviors, sanctioning behaviors that spit in the face of God. How wonderful if it could turn from that and turn to God, to be under God. But to declare oneself under God, when being nothing of the sort, is ludicrous. Imagine a people wiping out an entire people group for the sake of God, and giving God the credit, under God. Call it manifest destiny. Im