overproportioNATE

I think I'm going to make more of an effort to blog about the things I want to write on Facebook but can't. Facebook is not the place for serious conversations about important issues. And it isn't because you can't make a compelling argument, it isn't because you might be right, or because you could support people who need it. I will not make an argument for a serious topic there, simply because if there is someone that vehemently disagrees with me, I can't look them in the eye. They can't know for sure that what I say, I say in love. I say everything with a belief that we must love the sinner, and yet hate the sin. There is too much to say before I could ever begin to really say something. But this is a good place for that kind of thing. Because I think to find this blog, you would have to already want to know what I think. I don't think duct-taping my beliefs all over Facebook is particularly fair to the one not looking for my views. Even if I

Broken Records, the same thing over and over. They tend to be criticized, I feel bad or hopeless when I feel like I'm being one. But broken records tend to be true. Maybe that is why the feeling is troubling. I'm not so sure that broken records are floundering, they might just not have an answer, they just might not change. I don't feel that having a mind that doesn't change for a period of time is the same as fence sitting. When someone is considered to be stuck on a fence, there is an obvious belief that they are able to jump down to either side. But this... This feels much more like I am unable to choose either side. Like neither side is viable. Neither staying nor moving are what I want.

I do not suffer from indifference. I do not struggle with lack of passions. I am not a doubter of God. But like Anberlin, I doubt those he chose to carry on His cause. That is a terrible doubt, that is a terrible, corrosive doubt. I am probably a follower who is too opinionated. I have been jaded and corrupted by getting too close, by being on too many boards, going to too many meetings. I have learned too much. I have seen the darkness of man too closely. And so I doubt. I'm sorry that this post got too dark, and well, sad.  I read a really good article the other day, I think Thor posted it, about why Millenials [which I suppose I am included in], don't want to serve as pastors of established churches. It was really good. Really true. Really sad. Sorry about that too. We want to start anew, which is really small of us really. But there are a lot of churches that you could yell at forever and ever and ever, or lead by good example forever and ever and ever, and th

Justification of actions is a critical component of mental health. To actively be foolish is a very difficult thing to do in life. I think that's a great example of how the hardest things to do in life, aren't always the best things to do. I had always thought growing up that the hardest thing, tended to be the direction of God's "call" in one's life. I am ready for something different. I need to be challenged again. I need to be able to give one thing my full attention, all of my energy, and time, and care. But more than that, because that really is just me trying hard, I need to be to be used in one place. To remember again who I work for.

As good as pills. They are handed out. Passivity brought on by hours of Candy Crush. One may achieve one wondrous achievement in a lifetime, and that would be difficult, and rare. But you can unlock as many achievements as you would like through a bevy of fun, interactive, adventure-fillled games. You can click your way to being meaningful. Meaningful. Meaningful, if it were to be described by a 5 year. If it were celebrated at birthday parties and plastic whistle New Years parties. I don't know anymore, what meaningful could even mean to a 95 year old. I don't know if it is achievable. Is it just too watered down? Do any of the sacred words mean anything anymore? Marriage? When it feels good? Integrity? When you don't get caught? Meaning? When it is easily achieved? We as pacified. We have lost our fight. And we... Don't even want it back.

The good Christian dies letting go of life. The fingers come off cleanly. The good atheist still grasps and holds to everything he can at the end. I find, and please remember that I'm 27, that few go out in any good way. Few are satisfied, few go out with any kind of grace. Any advocate of "leaving behind a better life" for future generations... I just have a hard time with you. I don't feel like life on earth right now is necessarily the worst it's ever been, but any way that you can make life "better", is such in infinitesimally small percentage of "better" that it is hardly worth it. Those that come into money in this life, may have a better standard of living, but that completely ignores their mental, and most importantly, spiritual health. The "rich" that I've come across in life have been the most out of touch, and I guess if that's what you desire, go for it. There is something in a "Good Christian"

There are a lot of good sayings out there, many of them tie in directly with strong beliefs we have. I was reminded today of how there is a time for everything in this life, to live and to die, to plant and to harvest, to be together and to be apart. That is a very deep and important belief, and it still feels outside of my normal thought. One of the smartest men that ever lived thought and believed that. I should probably listen to that. But it still seems outside of my normal belief. Where does that fit in? How should it affect my daily life? Do I need to be more "O.K." with daily frustrations? Do I need to be alright with death and dying? Is it a plea to understand why things fail? I just don't want to be old and just figuring it out, I want to be teachable now, and figure this out now. I can understand it, but how do I live it?

Sometimes I think they sky is blue, just because it would be unbearable for it to be black. Or maybe the sea is clear, because we wouldn't swim through the unknown. Maybe the Sun is so bright, only because every nook and cranny needed to be lit up. Maybe the moon reflects the light, just because it doesn't know what else to do.