overproportioNATE

Life is often just a bunch of 1's and 0's. Pick one or the other. We understand that. I think that its even pleasing. We like it when life makes sense. When we make a good choice and the result is therefore good. Often times we are able to make the same choice over and over. That kind of repitition can also produce a good feeling. Like we've been there before, a deja vu for our decision making. Its nothing new to say that life throws curveballs. But we have a hard time dealing with (and not just in our own life), situations where we don't feel a person was allowed to make that selection. Where the choice was "made for them". Many choose to shy away from those stories. And they are heavy. But I've always been fascinated by them. Torture doled out to an unwanting people. Death just handed to a young man who had so much to live for. Heroism falling upon the unexpecting one. Love and Loss. Mystery at its finest. It is the best and worst in life. I'...

Its my wife's birthday today. The most wonderful person in my life. She gives me hope. Doesn't ever let me go. She is what I need each and every day. I love coming home to her. I love knowing she'll always be there. And she is so pretty. Today is a celebration for me too, and the blessing that she is in my life. Nothing could ever take away from this. I am however, amazed at the contrasts in life. One of my closest friends in elementary school, Dale Butler, was killed over the weekend in a airplane that he was piloting. The plane was having some difficulties, hit a power line, and he and his passenger were killed. He was the same age as me. First one from my grade to pass away. There have been precious few moments in life where the is... nothing but exuberance. Nothing but joy. It almost always comes with at least a few drops of pain, that little bit of agony. It makes me long for the other side. I look forward to tears being taken from me. No longer needed. Where t...

The angels are singing over the plains the shepherds are quaking, echoing refrains And all of our slogans designed to take away the pain meant nothing to the Son of God that night in Bethlehem -Spartan, Five Iron Just a warning, this topic may be a touch contraversial. You can tell we live a Catholic town. It is absolutely impossible to get meat at school on Fridays. It simply does not exist, fish burgers, cheesebread, bagels or nachos with cheese. There is simply no meat option. I feel like there is a difference with fasting and this kind of giving up for the sake of... well just because everyone else is. I like to believe that in life there needs to be sacrifices, we are called to them. Commanded to fast, to give, to let go, to pray even when its hard. We are called to do hard things. But let us not forget that we can't do anything to make His sacrifice any easier. I can't take that pain away. I can't make it any easier or more worth it. My life is, at its great...

Just a quick post today. I've got to finish my mock draft. Winning doesn't come easy. But anyway, I want to start writing a little more about reasons to believe. Because A. Its important, and B. Its possibly fun. Because of all the things that we could complain about, it is still passing. All things negative will pass away. And I have been blessed with more than a fair shake, and I've got the best wife, friends, and I feel, some pretty awesome purposes as well. God has been kind.

It seems a lot of people aspire to be the very best. Hoping someday they will have the energy, or just "know" how to excel, how to be the best, how to win. But even that initial interest in being the best is intriguing. I've never really had that in me. I don't know if the best is where I belong in anything. First place has never been a home for me. I think I'd be uncomfortable on that lofty perch. But I do aspire to do a lot. I still feel that calling to more, along with this feeling that some day it will all come together. I will suddenly be ready to be a parent, to have the gusto to be a better friend, to be less selfish in how I live. Someday. It is a fight against that someday. A fight to be an encourager today. To believe it must start now. That I need to sacrifice even this minute. Even surrounded by people like that, it is still a struggle. Because we don't see the end, we don't know fully the story that we are stepping into in this life. We ...

There are, I believe, kindred spirits in this life. People that you meet, and it is as if you're old friends. I've always heard of it, but rarely have I thought of it in my own life. I've run into some of them, and for me at least, it almost makes them somewhat "difficult" to talk to. There is an excitement when you run into them, there is an energy and an understanding. But there is also this feeling that they already understand you. Unnatural to the point that you worry that they already know all of your faults, as well as your upside. But it is exciting, and I want to delve deeper into the subject, learn more of the psychology of it. Because if there is such a thing, I want to be on the bandwagon.

"I don't care." It doesn't get much more selfish than that. Its an excuse we've all used, sometimes effectively, to get away with a behavior we otherwise can't explain, or feel we needn't have to. He said "I don't care" when I asked him not to swear. Yes. You don't care. To you, its just another word, just another bar in the spiral that started when your parents got too busy with their own problems to ever consider yours. To you, it gives voice to the hurt in your heart, to the lacking that exists. Why would you care? Why on earth should you? You don't know love, you don't know how it affects a little kid. You don't know how it makes everyone else feel safe in saying the same thing. Lets everyone in the room know that its fine to "not care". We'll make a room full, a country full, a world full... of people who never cared of enough to think about what they say, and why they say it. A world full of peopl...

"Searching for more than mere lies disguised as dogma, tired eyes tend to wander, seek the light. Create in her a sense of awe that sees Your beauty, let Your splendor flash with blinding light. Standing tall all the aspen trees drink water as the rain falls down like laughter from the sky." -Five Iron, Something Like Laughter There are people that feel that God is laughing at them. With the hurt that they have, the dirt rubbed into their skin, the loss they've had, God is just laughing at their misfortune, that God doesn't understand them. He doesn't laugh, He cries. He fully feels. He always has. And He knows we need more than a pat on the back, more than some encouragement, He knows He needs to carry us.

Sometimes I wish we could bring back a saloon-style place in every town. But then I realize, even if filled with the best people, (because, most certainly it would be filled with the people that currently frequent our various bars already), people would still spend most of their time ruining the whole thing. There's be some excellent piano player, just bouncing around on the keys like Ben Folds. But half the people there would be on their phones. Yeah, its true. Anyway, I also have greater hopes, like for a place that could actually work. It would take different generations to work, and cooperation between those groups. Young people give life, and older folks give us wisdom, and they allow us the choice to follow in their footsteps, or avoid some of their mistakes, often both. But it would be like a church, where the expectations are different. More based on character and growth than where one currently is. We don't plant full-grown trees after all. We plant things that w...

We are always hoping the other guys learns his lesson. Maybe if he gets punched in the face he'll see my point, or understand what is best for the greater good, or really, just grow up. We even pray for it. That isn't profound. All the best villains in recorded history have hoped that way. And even when it does happen. Even something bad happens to someone who "deserves" it, we are left unchanged. We sing of kharma. As if it has ever changed anything. As if it ever could. Doing good will never get me to change. All the good feeling in the world isn't enough to convince me. It simply isn't enough. And even when the bad guy takes the fall, I mean, thats great for 10 minutes until I'm wronged again, until I hear the next song that reminds me of what was said to me in 7th grade. Then I'm right back where I was. There's an awful lot more power in failing than we realize. Brokenness gets people stronger, and bonds them much more quickly than ev...

“May all your expectations be frustrated, may all your plans be thwarted, may all your desires be withered into nothingness, that you may experience the powerlessness and poverty of a child and sing and dance in the love of God who is the Father, Son and Spirit.” Brennan Manning

Its what they all chased. 4 poor boys from england, writing sad songs, none about yellow submarines. A group of young aspiring writers, meeting to bring out the best in each. The men who talked in the abstract, to talk about ideas more real than anything physical could ever grasp. The stories He told, simple as something that happened yesterday. They made more sense than any metaphor I could ever craft. Purpose. No, greater. The wondering look of the dying at the end. The wish of  a girl too young to even know her own innocence. The tears that fall on a chessboard when, after many moves, a man isn't sure if he's done right. It is why we live, and He says it so simply. We make it more complicated. We try to wrap it around ourselves. It is already inescapable. Either we find our way home, or we don't.

I once wanted to be away. Locked in castle or dungeon I didn't care. And not for difference, not for anything. Simply to be away. Some have much to run from. Or seek something found out there. Try to sway me all you want, I simply want to be away. If only for a time or two. Get my bearings on a life worth living. A sabbatical of mind and heart, I simply want to be away with you.

A colder winter settles in and brings decision. Lucky enough for me, they've chosen this moment, this day, of all days, to release their leaves. They give up, float to a ground they've never known. Exasperated, unable to go on as they are. Today they chose to give up. Just enough moments have filled his head. The stress from a web of relationships. Have left him gasping, blood pressure pounding. A long time coming, this aneurysm is gripping. Hemorrhaging, unable to go on anymore, Today the tissue gave up. Frozen deeper than I can understand, has outlasted place for kings and countries. Now takes its place in a line to the sea, Displaces water with all it has. Glacier-breaking, unable to hold its own, Today the iceberg was formed.

I have words that can remind us of things we've forgotten. And I may have to try very hard, but I know some words that will make you laugh. Given time, words will help us to know each other. I can recall some words that may be mysteries to us both. There are words, I've heard them, that can cause a physical pain to run through my veins. It's been a while since they've entered my ear and made my blood run cold. But I can still remember words that brought upon a smile, I couldn't stop. But its been a while Its been a while.

I don't care Thats all he'd say. A broken record of destruction. A haphazard way of life. That can't see past a high school he won't pass. He wants what we likes. We all do. If anything, he's at least willing to fight for it. Have to give him that I guess. It sucks to grow up. But there won't be a childhood left if there aren't responsible adults. If history has taught me anything. Adults have enough problems, there's no time left for their kids. Some cycles seem endless. Every day there's less hope, a little less left in the tank. I don't care. I can never have that in me. Can't ever give it a shot at life in my heart.

The angels are singing over the plains the shepherds are quaking, echoing refrains And all of our slogans designed to take away the pain meant nothing to the Son of God that night in Bethlehem -Spartan, by FIF All of my trying to be good, and my hope for purity and honesty, and coming to God as I am, not as I'd like to be or hope to be someday. Didn't make His sacrifice any easier. It doesn't make it easier still. I hope someday I will get over the idea that my good can ever measure up. I will never impress God, (and should never work to impress others), with the good I do. I should not do it to earn anything. I should do it because of His sacrifice.

You are now in a world where words have power. When you speak of thunder, it does not simply invoke a memory from childhood of a storm that was too close. Rather, thunder is summoned. It is present, and real, and now. Speak of erosion and hills will crumble down. You cannot merely talk of food, aromas, and in fact, the meal itself will be available. Adventure is no longer some far away ideal, but right there beside you, perhaps even too big and great for you. C.S. Lewis wrote about that kind of thing in the space trilogy. And old language where there word for "light" was not just to bring it into your mind, but the word itself WAS light. It contained it, in every way. I'm not sure how well humans would do in that world. Could we do everything in jest? In good spirit? Could we leave each other to our own devices? Have our own adventures without encroaching on the livelihoods of others? Would villains arise? Would heroes care enough to do anything about it? Would ma...

Sometimes we want very different things. You and me. Sometimes you would like some quiet. A little bit of self-reflection, with the slightest hint of input from me. Just enough so you know that I'm listening, and that, at least in part, I agree with you. And in those times I may want adventure. I may want to be sad. I may want to reminisce. I may want to do anything else. We all have it in us to run. Because life has a way of getting too close. I think thats why people write books. Maybe. I think it might be why some song writers don't ever reveal what their lyrics mean. They want to be appreciated, and understood to some level. But want to always know something you don't know. We'd all love to die with some secrets. The question isn't "who has secrets?", the question is, "are we brave enough to let them go?"

Tendency. Its like a heartbeat in how it is destined to show up again and again. Consistency. It keeps us alive. We have this strange tendency to inhale and exhale. A tendency to look out for our interests. Which both keeps us alive and condemns us to death. It is human. It is normal. It is also nothing special. I like to use the idea of tendencies to show my view on homosexuality. It is a tendency. Henry Nouwen had a tendency towards it, he simply never acted upon it. LGBT likes to act like it is unique. That because it has this tendency, they should be able to act upon it freely. As if we have a tendency to do something, we should be able to do it with no moral obligation, regard for what should be sacred, and even whether or not is selfish and self-serving. But we all have tendencies towards the negative. I want to hurt people who offend me. It is a clear tendency we all share, but I'm not allowed to act on that. We all have a tendency to run from our problems, to justify ...