Heavy

Just a heads up, this one may get a little heavy. Also, there may not be a conclusion. I just finished reading my 3rd John Green book, "Looking for Alaska", and well, it's a tragedy, and also something far from a tragedy at the same time. But it made me think, because it asked some good questions. They main one being: "How will you escape this labyrinth of suffering? What will give you hope? I often shy away from that question, and hang on to my old adage that I do not doubt in God, I doubt in myself. Or I get off on some tangent about purpose, or greater hope, or first steps. I have preached more "first step" sermons than I care to admit. I feel like we are in a world of first steps. We never really answer the question, we never really reveal how to make it out of the labyrinth. And if anyone ever makes it out, I'm screaming as to why they never share it with the rest of us. As if there's some way to transcend all of this. Like this maze can be won, can be beaten. I'm frustrated by the fact I know very few people throughout human history that can claim to even have seen the light. Few people who I would ever believe had a clear vision of the outside, of achieving what they started out for. There are many great battles in life, many things you could discover, invent, write, or create. But if it is all done in the space of the labyrinth (I almost want to say; then it is worth nothing. But it is worth something), then what does it mean. Why can't anyone get out? Why hasn't someone hollered back for the rest of us? And you could say, well, we are meant to live in this labyrinth, the whole of human existence must take place there for some reason. Or one could say, well, we weren't made for this labyrinth, we were made to walk with a creator, and that void that you feel Nate, is simply that God-Shaped hole. And both are perfectly reasonable. But none of it can shake this sinking feeling I get, that none of this is worth it. I have some of the best people, I feel, that have ever lived and breathed, in my life. And I live in a wonderful place, and work with wonderful people. I am blessed to be able to do wonderful things, and experience good things. I have nothing to complain about. But there are still times when I long to take this entire maze, and tip it upside down. Even while I KNOW that isn't the answer. The labyrinth is not without a purpose. I am also frustrated that we hide the fact that we are in a labyrinth. You will live, maybe for many years. And many of the people you love will die, many of them painfully. You will lose, and be heart. You will have surgeries, and injuries, and you will hurt others, and it will wretch at you. It will squeeze you to breaking. People will be disappointed in you, and they will resent you and hate you. Life will come crumbling down. We hide that from our children. We "protect" them. And in turn set them lose in the labyrinth, far to late to ever find their way out. We all seem to believe that the older we get, the wiser we get. But that isn't the whole truth. We also become better at manipulating, and getting our way, and finding comfort when comfort should not be had. We learn to avoid the books with the bad endings, and hide our face so no one catches us crying. We learn to be embarrassed, we learn to fail well. I want out of this labyrinth. I want to do it right. I will choose the labyrinth.