Heavy Loss
"I like a look of Agony,
Because I know it's true—
Men do not sham Convulsion,
Nor simulate, a Throe—
The Eyes glaze once—and that is Death—
Impossible to feign
The Beads upon the Forehead
By homely Anguish strung."
-Emily Dickinson
I would never say that I enjoy a good funeral. No one enjoys the passing of someone close. And Emily Dickinson isn't saying that she loves it when others are in pain. I hate it. I hate pain, and hurt, and sorrow.
But I love honesty. I love the solemnity that comes with looking at my own mortality. It makes everyone serious, if only for a while. And we are brought into a place where we have need, and it is obvious. We experience pain that, while it is real and cutting, it is also certain.
So often there is pain in life that we can't put a finger on. A hurting that can lead to depression, and we have no certain idea where that pain is coming from.
When we have a loss, a certain loss, we feel, and we know where the pain is from. We so rarely have to face that question, that knowledge of our mortality, especially at my age. Because while I know the dangers, there is still the air of invincibility. We must face it, and sometimes it takes a heavy loss.
Because I know it's true—
Men do not sham Convulsion,
Nor simulate, a Throe—
The Eyes glaze once—and that is Death—
Impossible to feign
The Beads upon the Forehead
By homely Anguish strung."
-Emily Dickinson
I would never say that I enjoy a good funeral. No one enjoys the passing of someone close. And Emily Dickinson isn't saying that she loves it when others are in pain. I hate it. I hate pain, and hurt, and sorrow.
But I love honesty. I love the solemnity that comes with looking at my own mortality. It makes everyone serious, if only for a while. And we are brought into a place where we have need, and it is obvious. We experience pain that, while it is real and cutting, it is also certain.
So often there is pain in life that we can't put a finger on. A hurting that can lead to depression, and we have no certain idea where that pain is coming from.
When we have a loss, a certain loss, we feel, and we know where the pain is from. We so rarely have to face that question, that knowledge of our mortality, especially at my age. Because while I know the dangers, there is still the air of invincibility. We must face it, and sometimes it takes a heavy loss.
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