Cry Hard. Wonder More.
On occasion I am reminded of one of my biggest faults. It doesn't happen often, probably not as often as it should, but when it does, I am shaken violently, and reminded of my smallness.
Something big happens, it usually takes something big to move me, but it springs up, out of nowhere, and all I want to do is hide.
Doubt enters my mind.
I am shaken when I find out that things I count on don't come to fruition.
Its why I am so crazy about setting up all the safety nets I have for myself. Its why I waited far too long to get married, and why even words from someone can send me reeling. Words that I've told myself over and over again, do not matter, but yet here I am, gasping for breath again.
It really isn't that dramatic, eh. But it is real, it is a window into this heart of mine that does not trust, even myself. I watch athletes at the super bowl and wonder, "how can the be so composed?" Or a pastor I respect and think, "how can they have so much patience?" Or a woman who has been married to the same man for years greater than I may ever live, with who I would have no qualms if she decided to go off the deep end and snap right in front of me, but never does. I wonder about her too; "How can she not doubt? How can she still trust?"
And so goes my human experience. It leaves me wanting to find a quiet place. Cry hard. Wonder more.
Something big happens, it usually takes something big to move me, but it springs up, out of nowhere, and all I want to do is hide.
Doubt enters my mind.
I am shaken when I find out that things I count on don't come to fruition.
Its why I am so crazy about setting up all the safety nets I have for myself. Its why I waited far too long to get married, and why even words from someone can send me reeling. Words that I've told myself over and over again, do not matter, but yet here I am, gasping for breath again.
It really isn't that dramatic, eh. But it is real, it is a window into this heart of mine that does not trust, even myself. I watch athletes at the super bowl and wonder, "how can the be so composed?" Or a pastor I respect and think, "how can they have so much patience?" Or a woman who has been married to the same man for years greater than I may ever live, with who I would have no qualms if she decided to go off the deep end and snap right in front of me, but never does. I wonder about her too; "How can she not doubt? How can she still trust?"
And so goes my human experience. It leaves me wanting to find a quiet place. Cry hard. Wonder more.
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